im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
