I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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