Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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