help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's blow job season.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
