made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
