Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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