I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
