I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
