I've blown a few things in my day
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
