Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
