fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
