he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
