my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
