Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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