I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
