i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
