I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
