real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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