Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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