I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
