i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
