Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
