When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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