i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
