Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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