So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i came on her dog
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
