Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
