so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
