I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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