last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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