If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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