can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
