if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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