Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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