You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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