I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
and i looked up. we had an audience...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
