The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
