Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
