I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
