I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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