Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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