new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
