just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I cut my penus on the lid.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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