Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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