dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
