Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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