Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
