At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
