she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
