I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
