it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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