Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
