i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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