sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
