Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
