...so i touched it.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
