I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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