Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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