I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize