I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
