Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
