He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
