Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
