Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
