she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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