the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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