apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
