dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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