Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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