i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
