i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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