he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
