I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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