Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
