I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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