I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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