My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
