I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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