ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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