Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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