If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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