Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
literally had 100 drinks last night.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
