hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
