Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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