I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
