i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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