When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
