he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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