He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize