pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
