Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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