Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize