Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
