If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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