The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
