going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
