the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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