just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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