hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
false alarm, still single
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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