sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
