my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
