I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
