i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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