Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize