Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
