Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is Oprah even human
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
